Lost daies

Okay, so I never EVER right actual journal posts about something that is bothering me, or how i am feeling. But at this moment of time I feel blessed to have somewhere I can vent.So I am still at school, forunatly, I am thankful I didn't drop out. I seem to exceed in English and writing so you would think in classes such as Geography I would be good at writing. Well think again. I failed. I feel extremly dissapointed in myself. Teachers expect me to be brilliant with absolutly everything I do, because Amber (sisiter) was good at it. I am put into her shadows. Even teachers call me Amber, I am a living shadow to her and I don't believe teachers understand how much that can put a dent into my vaunarabilty. It's like I need to be as good as her, or if not better. WHY! I am my own person. I have NO abilities whatsoever. I don't know what I am good at, I have only succumbed to my level of no good or in other words...hopeless. I litterly felt something in me dissapear when i got my marks. I bit of dignity, possibly because of how hard I have been trying, to impress teachers and others peers. Though after school let out I started my short journey to the bmw, I walked peacefully, watching other cars pass with humans whom probably have had a marvellous day. As I reached a far distance and I couldn't find the car it occured to me. Mom has forgotten to pick me up. great, real great! My day so far has just been a decreasing spiral. I know it's stupid to be acting so caught up in emotion over these few events, though what happened next caught me off guard. "Ebony, are you going to Kyles tonight?. "Yeah, I believe so". "Well to bad your not going". so i would LOVE to know where that came from. Out of no where I seem be getting the cold shoulder from my own Mother, dispising me of visiting my friends tonight, considering its Friday. Ever since my friends got snitched by my Mother for smoking majuana in my house, she automaticlly thinks I am the one involved. Regardless, if she is my Parent or not, shouldn't you atleast have a little bit of faith in your child. I guess my day has just been lost.